Merging into the Limitless and Infinite with music

 I am because we are...!

I tend to think of myself in the way I am comfortable or in the way I like to project myself to the world. Perhaps, it may be a practice with many of you. But, 'comfortable' does not make it interesting! I know there is an unexplored sea of thoughts, ideas and emotions.... breathing and waiting! 

One fine day, I have decided to dive into the sea, guided by this wonderful human being, my NLP mentor, Bhavana. Deep diving requires, specific methods and focussed practice. With the ever present, persistent prodding by my mentor, I am able to appreciate the complexity of the bends, twists, the muddy and murky darkness, the sudden piercing light from around a corner, the peace, stillness and much more. It is not an easy task and I have to fight with the resistance and fear. The guiding hand of my mentor is behind me, giving me the right amount of push to lift my legs and jump deep. 

One by one, when the invisible bonds chaining me loosen up, there is this weightlessness and I float. But, believe me, it is not a smooth process for me. But I have begun the exploration  and the moments of harmony are slowly expanding from seconds, minutes to days and spread over my entire being. (Thanks to you, mentor!)

The other day in the training session, when the guest speaker, Charles Ainslie (South Africa) began his speech with reading the beautiful poem, 'Wild Geese by Mary Oliver, something shifted within me. The poem with that striking opening words, " You do not have to be good..." instantly took hold of my thoughts. 

We had some profound exercises to experience the poem and ourselves and the underlying interrelations keeping us all in a web. 

The words of the poem, his soft yet intense voice and the way we all reached out blurred the individual boundaries. 

And then, in the morning, there was this soul-stirring music coming through the flute of Jayanth. I could hear those profound phrases in the poem close to my ears like a soft breeze. 

"the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things."

The nadham (tonal quality) of flute just merged with the air and teased me gently with a suggestion of the scent of jasmine and wild jasmine (பிச்சிப் பூ). The chains fell off and my lighter self soared high in the limitless blue sky. 

I always am drawn to the raga Kalyani at some deep level. The swaras of  chatushruti rishabam, antara gandharam, prati madhyamam, chatushruti dhaivatam, kakali nishadam in different permutation combination brings high mountain ranges in hues of violet and blue, trying to pierce the blue sky to my mind. I feel the morning breeze and the soothingly warm rays of the sun; can hear and sense the whole earth coming alive to a new dawn. 

The raga, Kalyani through the flute (after my NLP session) that day, not only lifted me to fly high, it just reduced me to fine pieces like grains of sand and I just became one with the soil, the gurgling stream, the chirping birds, the swaying branches of trees and the lively little girl hopping around and her full throated laughter. 

"I" was there in all these and I experienced all these too!  

The thoughts behind the kolam

 A new dialogue evolved between my friend, Sudha and myself focusing on the daily kolam that we make in front of our houses. It led me to probe and think what was the idea behind each design; any set pattern; any preferences and the influences. I realised there was a lot of interesting beliefs about our capabilities, traditions and the things that pull our hands and fingers in a certain way. 

I found it interesting and a great exercise but, I realised I was taking quite a lot of time that affected my other routines. (Ah... once again, it was technology! -- needed to transfer my ideas and designs to some form of virtual space and that took time!!) Anyhow, I stopped sharing the designs on social media but we both exchange our kolam daily and the stories behind some of them!

During the course of the day, there would flash ideas to weave stories around the different kolam and noted some of them for a different activity. 

These designs I am sharing here, interestingly grew out of the photos shared by Neelima on FB. Her love for all life around makes her a wonderful and gifted nature photographer. She brought out a series of pictures showing different kinds of butterflies and a brief write up about them. And there are flowers in a riot of colours, leaves swinging and swaying in particular way like the various postures of a danseuse frozen and captured for eternity.

The pictures of common mormon, jezebel or the scarlet milkweed are visual treat (All her pictures are that!). Flashing the orange, black and white or the yellow, these lovely creatures flitted around me demanding attention. So, I let them flutter through my fingers on to the ground in my designs. ( Please, don't look for exact depiction! They led me to create my version, not exact image like a portrait! Creative license?!!)

As I was making the kolam, I experienced being there in the vast open wood that Neelima walks;  the cool morning breeze playing in and around the trees, the morning creatures coming out to greet the new day. This is a dedication to Neelima for she takes me to that lovely Ghats forest and letting me be just part of the environment.

The long time colleagues...

 Bonding on a virtual platform

When I used to be part of the study of vedantic texts like 'Upadesa Saram', we were encouraged to probe the question, "Who am I?" and the way we answer. It was an exercise to chip away at all these 'worldly identities' to identify that 'self' (Atman). As I walked back home from the session, all deep आत्म  विचार tended to desert me!!

Well, anytime, I think of myself as this or that, I do remember these are not to be my identities. The deep probing starts; the entire conversation takes hardly a minute or two but still reminds me that the question remains! In and through all such inner dialogues, I can't help an attachment to certain identities.  The teacher identity , though thrust on me by circumstances, got glued to me to be 'me'! (Isn't it in sync with my basic belief and constant questioning to seek the ultimate 'Truth'?) 

So here I am, part of the teaching fraternity belonging to one great institution (DAV group of schools in Chennai), bonding with fellow teachers and and others in a virtual meet! 

Every year, we meet, we try to spend time together and reach out to the community in whatever way we can. In our annual get together, our beloved students join us and infuse us with youthful energy. 

Most of us would have spent seven decades on this planet (as an approximate average). That is just for the record! The wear and tear of the body just does not dull their brains. In the true spirit of a teacher, they always ask questions and learn.  I am one of those few who are juniors to these legends in the field.  I remember those early years in my service when I was awestruck by some of them. In school, there was certainly a hierarchy but a subtle one. When we all have come together to be part of the ex staff association, it has become one of friends and associates. 

This year, the meeting became a memorable one which touched me at deeper levels. Many of the teachers are living alone with their husbands/wives, away from their children. The covid restrictions have made their lonely life, hopeless and the  transient nature of our life, very real . For some of us, the loss of our good friends and colleagues is time to pause and take stock. Against all these, the members were eager to get together. 

Some from the group until now, had no need to befriend technology. But, the idea that we should connect started as a spark and with that typical efficiency of teachers organising an event, the plan took a shape. In the wonderful tradition of working in teams, a programme was scheduled. Ah... the important thing of initiating some of the seniors into the virtual world! That was taken care of by Mrs. Radhika Parthasarathy and Mrs. Lalitha Chandrasekar. They had a trial zoom session where members could get in and familiarise themselves. A clear instruction sheet with step by step process of accessing zoom was put out by Mrs. R.P. Prayer song was taken care of by our music teacher who invoked the blessings of Goddess Durga to remove the virus in 3 languages. 

Having online meeting enabled our friends from other cities like Bengaluru, Coimbatore, Hyderabad and Mumbai and from overseas to participate.  Looking at the happy expressions, the eager and curious minds ever prepared to learn and the readiness to follow the rules - I felt thrilled about the learning field!  The initial technical glitz was accepted with equanimity and each waited for their turn to greet and talk. Friends engaged in playful banter, members suggested ways of coming together - these interspersed with profound emotional moments too. It was a pulsating  lively meeting cutting through the cyberspace. 

I looked around, positive energy flowing from every one into me and I bowed to all of them.