My Grand Mother's Obituary
Just 12 years short of 100 and every minute of those 88 years lived with such spirit, resilience and a remarkable sense of acceptance and accommodation (when things go beyond human control). A long life, spanning the very many historical and political upheavals including the second world war, Quit India, Independence, Reform movements and so on… - that is my grand mother's life! This life came to an end last Friday, 15th Feb 2008, but I believe that life goes on without an end in the real sense. I'm proud to be carrying forward at least a few of her ideas, thoughts and values.
I remember those days of my childhood when she appeared to be a 'super woman' in my eyes. The first image that comes to my mind is of a slender and tall woman neatly turned out at any time of the day. The nine yards sari I had rarely seen so artistically draped with not a spec of dirt anywhere after long hours of work was something that never failed to surprise me!
Her early days in themselves were a source of social history of early 20th century. She had a lucid way of describing things and with eyes for even the minute detail, the stories of her past would bring alive the society of that time (which I seem to appreciate more and more only with age and maturity). Lack of English education was not considered a disadvantage, in fact seen as positive, but she even picked up the skill of reading English. The stress was on acquiring reading, arithmetic skills and learning Sanskrit. As I understand, imbibing the necessary values to become a home maker later and training to be diplomatic and tactful were some aspects emphasised as education for a girl then. My grand mother used to remember her 'periamma' fondly as her guide! There is nothing demeaning in such training as my grand mother emerged as a successful and efficient home maker - a daughter-in-law who had become indispensable, and a wife who was an equal partner. This training had made her truly resourceful and how she faced the challenges that life had thrown at her! She was an immense source of strength and courage for every one around her in the family and particularly me.
My friends in college used to be surprised when I mentioned that I prepared for the paper- 'History of Tamil Literature in the beginning of Modern period' by listening to her. She had a sharp mind and insatiable curiosity to learn till almost the end. Why, for that matter she was ‘Patti’ to that bunch of teens! They would come running to her for her approval of their new jewellery or dress or even their silly jokes!
Her sense of humour and ability to retain a child-like quality had seen her through many a crisis and loss. With a feeling of wonder and joy I recollect those first 22 years of my life spent under her wing. I still remember the time she accompanied my brother and myself to the terrace to teach us the nuances of eating a mango and enjoying the sticky and juicy affair. (If I close my eyes and make a little effort I could hear the giggles of the three of us and even smell the ripe mango.) How can I forget the joy of sharing the thrill of the first rain of the season or the love of reading a Kalki's/Chandilyan's historic novel?
Time management, economy of movement, nutritional diet, effective communication, creative skills - you name any such high sounding modern concepts, she had already perfected them! Her home remedy tips and her knowledge of the indigenous trees and herbs was simply mind boggling!
She was a good judge of human nature and applied that in her every day dealings with others. Innovative and highly imaginative are how I would describe her way of bringing me up. There was never a force used, but her own example and her characteristic anecdotes used to do the trick of instilling values and the ability to appreciate the gains rather than the losses.
I could go on and on as hers was a great life - a saga in fact. I firmly believe in the vedantic principle that it is the physical being that faces death and for the ‘Atman’ there is no death. Further, I sincerely hope that her traits, or at least a few of them, have passed on to us, the women of next generations.
