The other day I boarded a train to go to Thiruchirappalli. That time my mind was so preoccupied with so many thoughts and emotions that the usual excitement of a train travel was not there.
பாரிமகளிர் தம் தந்தையின் இழப்பினால் ஏங்கிப் பாடிய
"அற்றை திங்கள் அவ்வெண்ணிலவில் ..... நினைவில் வந்து வந்து படுத்தியது.
Those with some knowledge of Thamizh will know about Sangam literature. This verse brings out the feeling of loss of the father. The same sky and the same moon is there, but the father whom they adored was not there to enjoy the beauty like the other day. The sense of loss and loneliness just engulfs me whenever I remember the verse.
Why did that just pop into my thoughts that evening in the train? Is it because I was reminded of the times I made the same trip to my parents place? The associated sensations, smells and other things suddenly brought out from some safe corner of my mind, the calm and the melancholic face of my father. A myriad of images in various situations flooded my mind clamouring for attention. The time when he came to send me off after my marriage with such longing in his eyes, those times when he came to receive me during school holidays with the entire face lit up (I was supposed to be his favourite?!) or the times (though very few) when he would look with disappointment and concern if I had not behaved with kindness or shown care for others or those times when he indulged any of us with only a serene look- all these were rolling in front of my eyes.
He was not comfortable showing his emotions. It is all very subtle- the play of emotions on his face. If we guess the feelings behind his gestures, he would turn red. His shyness was adorable and we used to make fun of that. Such a gentle soul was he that my brother and myself would take extreme care not to offend him. He never had raised his voice and never demanded or commanded us to do this or not to do that. When both of us wanted to stay with our grandparents as children, He could have used strong words and strictly ordered us to go with him. But, he said he could not and should not take us against our wish. He felt that he should respect the wish of the other person even if that person is young.
The way he treated my mother was such a joy to watch. He took care of her like she was a precious diamond. He did not get ruffled by her nagging and complaints. On the contrary, he went out of his way to satisfy her desires. Their marriage might have set some tongues wagging for he was fair complexioned with a shade of pink and she was dark complexioned. I have a feeling, movies and media of late have blown it out of proportion and fed people the idea about dark and fair. They had no problem and their families had absolutely no problem about it.
So, going to the city where they lived for a long time triggered memories from the past. Different kinds of people who were associated with him remember him with respect and love. I know a few who would say, I would do anything for 'sir'.
End of the train travel brought the curtain down on this memory trail as the city is nothing like I used to know. Everywhere 'developmental' work has taken its toll and talking about it will make another story altogether. Once again, appa went back to his cherished corner in my mind and I got back to the every day activities.
பாரிமகளிர் தம் தந்தையின் இழப்பினால் ஏங்கிப் பாடிய
"அற்றை திங்கள் அவ்வெண்ணிலவில் ..... நினைவில் வந்து வந்து படுத்தியது.
Those with some knowledge of Thamizh will know about Sangam literature. This verse brings out the feeling of loss of the father. The same sky and the same moon is there, but the father whom they adored was not there to enjoy the beauty like the other day. The sense of loss and loneliness just engulfs me whenever I remember the verse.
Why did that just pop into my thoughts that evening in the train? Is it because I was reminded of the times I made the same trip to my parents place? The associated sensations, smells and other things suddenly brought out from some safe corner of my mind, the calm and the melancholic face of my father. A myriad of images in various situations flooded my mind clamouring for attention. The time when he came to send me off after my marriage with such longing in his eyes, those times when he came to receive me during school holidays with the entire face lit up (I was supposed to be his favourite?!) or the times (though very few) when he would look with disappointment and concern if I had not behaved with kindness or shown care for others or those times when he indulged any of us with only a serene look- all these were rolling in front of my eyes.
He was not comfortable showing his emotions. It is all very subtle- the play of emotions on his face. If we guess the feelings behind his gestures, he would turn red. His shyness was adorable and we used to make fun of that. Such a gentle soul was he that my brother and myself would take extreme care not to offend him. He never had raised his voice and never demanded or commanded us to do this or not to do that. When both of us wanted to stay with our grandparents as children, He could have used strong words and strictly ordered us to go with him. But, he said he could not and should not take us against our wish. He felt that he should respect the wish of the other person even if that person is young.
The way he treated my mother was such a joy to watch. He took care of her like she was a precious diamond. He did not get ruffled by her nagging and complaints. On the contrary, he went out of his way to satisfy her desires. Their marriage might have set some tongues wagging for he was fair complexioned with a shade of pink and she was dark complexioned. I have a feeling, movies and media of late have blown it out of proportion and fed people the idea about dark and fair. They had no problem and their families had absolutely no problem about it.
So, going to the city where they lived for a long time triggered memories from the past. Different kinds of people who were associated with him remember him with respect and love. I know a few who would say, I would do anything for 'sir'.
End of the train travel brought the curtain down on this memory trail as the city is nothing like I used to know. Everywhere 'developmental' work has taken its toll and talking about it will make another story altogether. Once again, appa went back to his cherished corner in my mind and I got back to the every day activities.
7 கருத்துகள்:
Its wonderful - your thoughts and memories of your appa.
May his soul rest in peace, for he knows in his heart that you cherish his memories with love.
Trichy is a place which I am so fond of. I too have wonderful memories of the two well-spent years there.
Yes Chitra.Your father was so soft and gentle that he was dearer to me also.You took me down the trail and Iwas very much moved.Once I told your mom that chiththappa treated her as a child.she happily nodded her head.They were wonderful couple.
hmmmm...what do i say?
on the content i can't but admire your dad for his behaviour, i didn't know him, i know you and say, he would have been proud. i would be in his place.
on your writing, well...same question again, 'why don't you write more often?' God! lady you could be writing a soap opera or a thodar in any popular magazine of better quality.
Really like this post and have a feeling of empathetic understanding with it, since as his grand daughter I have been at the receiving end of his special brand of gentleness and love minus any ego. I remember that as an angry and adamant child where nothing else would work, his one gentle gesture could calm me down. He was one of my 'favouritests'.
Thank you for this trip down nostalgia. As for your writing, it is as descriptive, graceful and lovely as usual.
Akka, it brought me the most greenest time of my childhood. I am pretty sure Srikanth would also admit that its a fact that we always looked forward to go Periyappa's house for our holidays. Not because of the Gokulam he bought and kept for us or the Ambulimama bindings he kept for us. But for a change we saw some one who never got angry even after knowing that we broke the neigbour Doctor's car windshield, and I broke Ganesh's leg and made him bleed through when he did not accept my umpiring verdit nor did he got angry when Srikanth experimented the concrete strengh of the new bus stop that was being built and bled through his nose. I dont think we ever could have had such wonderful time anywhere else but at Periyappa's house. Do you remember the incident when i put my finger in his cycle chain and sat there for 40 minutes until he came home and released it rather then telling my dad who was present at the house. I could go on writing about it but i think the server would run out space. May his soul rest in peace. You must write about Periamma too - especially the "pulithann" and the curd rice we all used to fight and eat.
Akka, You couldnt have described hime better.Yes, He was truly a very softspoken Ahimsawadi.
As Kumar had mentioned it was nice reciting the Vishnu Sahasranama guided and mentored through by The Great Thatha and the snacks offered with a lot of fondness and affection by perimma to folow after that.
Srikanth - "PAAl POLA IRUKKADA" Perimma keeps telling this, hope you remember that. I was always the most fondest (ignore the redundance) child for her......
Its always nice to reminisce those good old days at Khajamalai Colony (15/3 to be precise).
Hope you remember the late evening post dinner walks around the housing board contructions that were under way.
Those were the best of holidays as kids we enjoyed. Hope it is the same with you.
Keep writing. You have accepted that you are a dreamer and dreamers always make good writers.
Have a great time. Continue to write.
Yah! I agree with vandhikka, he is a soft man indeed. For some reason I remember his voice vividly though. . An ardent devotee of lord Subramanya, never misses a karthikai viratham used to visit us in Tuticorin whenever he visited Chenduraan. A letter from my periya mama and a visit from her cousin brother are a few things that used to make my mother swell with joy.
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