The other day I boarded a train to go to Thiruchirappalli. That time my mind was so preoccupied with so many thoughts and emotions that the usual excitement of a train travel was not there.
பாரிமகளிர் தம் தந்தையின் இழப்பினால் ஏங்கிப் பாடிய
"அற்றை திங்கள் அவ்வெண்ணிலவில் ..... நினைவில் வந்து வந்து படுத்தியது.
Those with some knowledge of Thamizh will know about Sangam literature. This verse brings out the feeling of loss of the father. The same sky and the same moon is there, but the father whom they adored was not there to enjoy the beauty like the other day. The sense of loss and loneliness just engulfs me whenever I remember the verse.
Why did that just pop into my thoughts that evening in the train? Is it because I was reminded of the times I made the same trip to my parents place? The associated sensations, smells and other things suddenly brought out from some safe corner of my mind, the calm and the melancholic face of my father. A myriad of images in various situations flooded my mind clamouring for attention. The time when he came to send me off after my marriage with such longing in his eyes, those times when he came to receive me during school holidays with the entire face lit up (I was supposed to be his favourite?!) or the times (though very few) when he would look with disappointment and concern if I had not behaved with kindness or shown care for others or those times when he indulged any of us with only a serene look- all these were rolling in front of my eyes.
He was not comfortable showing his emotions. It is all very subtle- the play of emotions on his face. If we guess the feelings behind his gestures, he would turn red. His shyness was adorable and we used to make fun of that. Such a gentle soul was he that my brother and myself would take extreme care not to offend him. He never had raised his voice and never demanded or commanded us to do this or not to do that. When both of us wanted to stay with our grandparents as children, He could have used strong words and strictly ordered us to go with him. But, he said he could not and should not take us against our wish. He felt that he should respect the wish of the other person even if that person is young.
The way he treated my mother was such a joy to watch. He took care of her like she was a precious diamond. He did not get ruffled by her nagging and complaints. On the contrary, he went out of his way to satisfy her desires. Their marriage might have set some tongues wagging for he was fair complexioned with a shade of pink and she was dark complexioned. I have a feeling, movies and media of late have blown it out of proportion and fed people the idea about dark and fair. They had no problem and their families had absolutely no problem about it.
So, going to the city where they lived for a long time triggered memories from the past. Different kinds of people who were associated with him remember him with respect and love. I know a few who would say, I would do anything for 'sir'.
End of the train travel brought the curtain down on this memory trail as the city is nothing like I used to know. Everywhere 'developmental' work has taken its toll and talking about it will make another story altogether. Once again, appa went back to his cherished corner in my mind and I got back to the every day activities.
பாரிமகளிர் தம் தந்தையின் இழப்பினால் ஏங்கிப் பாடிய
"அற்றை திங்கள் அவ்வெண்ணிலவில் ..... நினைவில் வந்து வந்து படுத்தியது.
Those with some knowledge of Thamizh will know about Sangam literature. This verse brings out the feeling of loss of the father. The same sky and the same moon is there, but the father whom they adored was not there to enjoy the beauty like the other day. The sense of loss and loneliness just engulfs me whenever I remember the verse.
Why did that just pop into my thoughts that evening in the train? Is it because I was reminded of the times I made the same trip to my parents place? The associated sensations, smells and other things suddenly brought out from some safe corner of my mind, the calm and the melancholic face of my father. A myriad of images in various situations flooded my mind clamouring for attention. The time when he came to send me off after my marriage with such longing in his eyes, those times when he came to receive me during school holidays with the entire face lit up (I was supposed to be his favourite?!) or the times (though very few) when he would look with disappointment and concern if I had not behaved with kindness or shown care for others or those times when he indulged any of us with only a serene look- all these were rolling in front of my eyes.
He was not comfortable showing his emotions. It is all very subtle- the play of emotions on his face. If we guess the feelings behind his gestures, he would turn red. His shyness was adorable and we used to make fun of that. Such a gentle soul was he that my brother and myself would take extreme care not to offend him. He never had raised his voice and never demanded or commanded us to do this or not to do that. When both of us wanted to stay with our grandparents as children, He could have used strong words and strictly ordered us to go with him. But, he said he could not and should not take us against our wish. He felt that he should respect the wish of the other person even if that person is young.
The way he treated my mother was such a joy to watch. He took care of her like she was a precious diamond. He did not get ruffled by her nagging and complaints. On the contrary, he went out of his way to satisfy her desires. Their marriage might have set some tongues wagging for he was fair complexioned with a shade of pink and she was dark complexioned. I have a feeling, movies and media of late have blown it out of proportion and fed people the idea about dark and fair. They had no problem and their families had absolutely no problem about it.
So, going to the city where they lived for a long time triggered memories from the past. Different kinds of people who were associated with him remember him with respect and love. I know a few who would say, I would do anything for 'sir'.
End of the train travel brought the curtain down on this memory trail as the city is nothing like I used to know. Everywhere 'developmental' work has taken its toll and talking about it will make another story altogether. Once again, appa went back to his cherished corner in my mind and I got back to the every day activities.
